What Do I Have to Do
by shinigamitabris
Summary: Heero and Duo angst... done in an interesting way (at least i think so).


  
  
  
~heero~  
  
"Hey Heero! Get off the computer for a while and come eat with us." Duo bounces into the room and looks over my shoulder. I can feel his breath on my neck. I wonder if he has any clue what he does.  
  
"Hn," I tell him, my usual reply. What I want to say runs through my head... You make it hard to breathe, it's as if I'm suffocating when you're next to me.  
  
He leans even closer. "Whacha doin'?"  
  
I can feel your heatbeat through my skin. So steady, compared to mine, which simply won't slow down. One of these days, I'm not going to be able to take it anymore.  
  
"Mission, tomorrow night."  
  
"Who's it for?"  
  
"Just us. And no screwing around this time, Duo."  
  
He grins. "Time to kick some more OZ ass!" He stands up and leaves just like he came in, braid swinging, not a care in the world. I know theres more, he's a Gundam pilot after all. I know he's no angel, Shinigami suits him better.  
  
It makes me sad to think that this could all be for nothing. One of us could be killed at any moment. Not to say that the self destruction attempts help matters any. It's the training overcoming everything else. The part of me that has been hidden for so long is starting to come through, though. I don't really want to self destruct anymore.   
  
I wish there was a way... a way for what? A way for us to live. A way to overcome everything. A way for you to see inside me. There's so much I want to say. I've never felt this way about anyone or anything. You bring out the human part of me.  
  
So tell me what do I have to do to make you happy? You always act happy, but I know about masks as well as you do, Duo, it won't work forever.  
  
What do I have to do to make you understand that I'm not out to get you, all the "omae o korosu"'s aside. I know you respect me as a soldier, but I want more than that. I want your friendship. More? Like I said, I've never felt this way before. I've never really felt anything.  
  
What do I have to do to make you want me? Hmm? Is there anything I can do?  
  
And if I can't make you want me, what do I have to do...  
  
  
  
~duo~  
  
Hah! Got another one! They'll think twice before trying to attack us again.   
  
I open the comlink to Heero. "Got all yours?"  
  
"Almost," is his reply. I look up just in time to see a stray Leo flying towards him.  
  
"Heero!.....no reply....... Heero!"  
  
Shit! He hasn't seen it. I remember his words from last night. "No screwing around, Duo." Just because I like to have some fun while fighting. I know exactly what you're thinking, but I swear this time I will not let you down. You'll never have to come rescue me again. I'll prove that I'm just as good as you. Looks like I'll be saving your ass tonight, though.   
  
I sneak up on the Leo before it has a chance to strike. Never saw me coming.  
  
"Thanks."   
  
"Anytime!"   
  
Did you just thank me? Thats a first. I guess it works both ways. Before, I don't know if I would have helped or not. I'm not as selfish as I used to be, I guess. That was a part of me that's never made me proud.  
  
God, right now I think I could try anything, anything at all to keep you satisfied. To keep you alive and where I can see you.   
  
That job done, we both head back and climb into bed. Well, I climb into my bed and watch you from across the room as you type up your mission report.  
  
I know I bug you. I know you probably wish I wasn't there most of the time. I just don't know any other way to be. God, I hope you see what losing you would do to me. I want just one more chance to prove that I'm good enough.  
  
I can see your reflection in the monitor. You look so distant, I wonder what you're thinking. Wish it was about me.  
  
What do I have to do to make you happy? What do I have to do to make you smile? What do I have to do to get any emotion from you at all? The thanks earlier was unexpected, does that mean the shell is cracking?  
  
What do I have to do to make you understand? I'm here, I don't plan on leaving anytime soon. Sometimes I wish we were normal students, not having to worry about saving the world. It's a big load to carry.  
  
What do I have to do to make you want me around, not telling me to shut up, or pushing me away? I can see sometihng in your eyes, I want to know what it means. And if i can't make you want me then tell me, tell me...  
  
  
  
~heero~  
  
I see you watching me, though you don't realize it. How can I... How can I do it? How can I let you do this? Why do you do this to me?   
  
Please tell me...  
  
What do I have to do to make you want me? What do I have to do to make you understand? What do I have to do to make you love me? Love? Is that what this is? I never thought that would happen. Theres someting about those violet eyes that says so much. Your mask is good, but you can't mask eyes like those. And if I can't make you love me, then I won't have lost anything, I guess. Hah.... yeah right. There goes perfect soldier out the window. I can't even think straight when you're around.   
  
Please tell me... What do I have to do?  
  
  
  
~duo~  
  
You close the computer and shut off the light. I hear you lay down and sigh. What are you thinking...  
  
I wish I knew what to do. You could never be thinking like that, so tell me what do I have to do...  
to forget about you?  
  
  
~owari~  
  
  
Like it? Hate it? Feedback please! It's my first real fic that i've actually finished. Call me a procrastinator. For all those songfic haters out there.... hah! Gotcha! That was a songfic! The idea came to me on the way home from school as i was listening to my CD. The song is 'What Do I Have to Do' by Stabbing Westward, its great. Check out the long acoustic version, its awesome. For anyone intersted in the lyrics to pick out, email me for them. Thanks for reading.... im done.  
~alli  
  



End file.
